


Finding Home

by aescrof



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-27 23:48:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12593292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aescrof/pseuds/aescrof
Summary: "The man who’d condemned him was the same man who saved him, and as awful a man as Remus knew Greyback to be, he couldn’t help but feel he owed him for that."But when an envelope arrives bearing his name in green ink, Remus Lupin leaps at the chance to experience the life he was supposed to have, and perhaps still can...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Long time reader, first time poster. This is the first fic I've ever written outside of my own head, but after binging a bunch of Marauder fics this idea arrived and wouldn't leave so I figured what the hell I'll give it a go. Not beta-ed.

Remus could hardly believe he was there. He’d made it. They couldn’t reach him here surrounded as he was by students, professors, and the thick stone walls of Hogwarts itself. The relief was so immense that part of him was already trying to calculate how long he’d have to stick around after the sorting before he could find himself a corner to curl up in and just _sleep_.

He’d lucked out on the train and found himself sharing a compartment with two older students more concerned with reading than talking, and had taken the opportunity to doze fitfully against the window for the duration of the journey. He’d been too on edge over the past four days to grab more than an hour here and there to sleep properly. Tucked away in alcoves and alleyways out of view, rifling through the bins whenever the gurgling of his stomach got too loud to ignore.

It was a little under a month ago that he got his letter, the owl that carried it not even pausing in its elegant flight before dropping the envelope at Remus’ feet, as if sensing the need for secrecy. His fingers were shaking as he split the seal and he’d had to read it three times before the words started to make sense. Even then he’d not really believed it, the letter had made no mention of his condition after all. It was a mistake it had to be, just a holdover from his life _before_. And yet there was his name written in neat green ink, and it had found him out here in the woods, hundreds of miles from the house from _before_.

He’d kept the letter tucked away next to his heart and hidden from the others. If word got back to Greyback, Remus would be lucky if he was allowed even a glimpse of the sky for who knew how long. Still it wasn’t until this past week that he’d found the courage to slip away from the pack under the pretence of checking the traps. A day later he found himself in Diagon Alley, spending pick-pocketed galleons on textbooks and supplies sold by Witches and Wizards who did their best to avoid catching his eye. He’d spent an hour in the disabled bathroom at King’s Cross scrubbing every inch of skin he could reach and changing into his school robes, the first new set of clothes he’d owned in 4 years, before boarding the train. He’d hacked off his hair at shoulder length with his pocket knife and combed it through best he could with his fingers. It had been a while since he’d really considered his own reflection, but by the time he’d done scrubbing the worst of the grime out from under his nails Remus reckoned he could pass for any other eleven year old about to embark on the next stage of his life.

He was drawn back to the present just in time to hear his name being called and swallowing down the bubble of nerves rising within him, Remus shuffled through the crowd of remaining first years to take his turn with the Sorting Hat. He silently thanked the fact he’d already read his Hogwarts: A History book cover to cover, so that when the Sorting Hat spoke softly in his ear he only flinched a little.

“Well, well, well. This is a surprise.”

Remus twitched, suddenly sure this had been a mistake after all and any second now someone was going to drag him from the hall, if they didn’t kill him outright.

“My, my. We are a little melodramatic aren’t we? You are right where you should be however Remus Lupin, never fear. But where to send you next, that is the question. Not a bad mind, Ravenclaw perhaps? They are certainly not unfamiliar with eccentricity, and yet...”

“Yet?” Remus prompted after the silence had stretched on long enough for him to start fidgeting.

“Indeed yet.” The Hat answered, “no you will not find what you need in Ravenclaw. Perhaps instead...”

_GRYFFINDOR!_ Echoed throughout the great Hall and Remus quickly slipped off the stool and took a seat at the table, next to a redheaded girl who kept darting looks at a sullen looking boy still waiting to be sorted. Although she turned to offer Remus a friendly smile and introduce herself when he sat down.

After a welcoming statement from the Headmaster and a couple of disturbing warnings against venturing into the surrounding forest, which Remus noted with amusement made the two dark haired boys sat opposite perk up with interest, he was drawn aside by a Professor McGonagall who lead him through the castle into an office warmed by a small fire in the corner. With a wave of her wand a plate piled high with steaming food materialised on the desk which she pushed towards him.

“I’m aware Mr. Lupin that this talk, necessary as it may be, is causing you to miss out on the feast so please feel free to eat while we discuss a few matters.”

Remus hesitated a moment before diving in. Piercing a hunk of beef on the end of the knife and tearing into it, wiping away the juices that dripped down his chin on the back of his hand as he went. He went for the bread rolls next, ripping them in half and tucking one away in his pocket for later. It all tasted like heaven, rich and creamy and juicy, warming him up from the inside out. He’d devoured half the plate and was trying to ignore the uncomfortable stretch of his overfull stomach before he realised it was rather quiet. He raised his head and blushed when he saw the shocked expression on Professor McGonagall’s face. Meeting his eyes seemed to bring her back to herself and she quickly schooled her expression.

“Yes, as I was saying Mr. Lupin, we are aware of your situation and Professor Dumbledore has made certain accommodations for you during the full moon period.”

Remus froze and the food in his stomach suddenly seemed to double in weight. Of course he knew on some level they had to know what he was, but to have it stated so plainly by someone outside the pack was jarring.

“On the evening of the full moon you will go to Madam Pomfrey in the Hospital Wing. She will then escort you to a house in Hogsmeade which has been especially warded for you to transform within without danger to anyone. After you have transformed back Madam Pomfrey will help you back into the Hospital Wing and care for you until you are well enough to return to lessons. The staff have all been informed and as such will make allowances for you to catch up on any work you miss. Do you have any questions?”

“Uh,” Remus started, struggling to process everything. “You’re giving the wolf a house?”

“If that’s how you’d prefer to think of it, then yes.”

The thought of the mindless, raving beast of his transformations in such a domestic setting seemed rather absurd to Remus but he wasn’t about to complain about it.

“What if someone sees me leaving school? What should I tell the other students?”

McGonagall smiled kindly, though Remus thought there was a touch of sadness to it as she regarded him.

“There is a hidden tunnel at the base of the Whomping Willow that leads directly to the house in Hogsmeade.”

“Is that the tree that Professor Dumbledore said was highly aggressive?”

“Yes. Which will hopefully discourage any other students from venturing too close and discovering the passageway.”

“And um... the other students?” He mumbled, twisting a loose thread through his fingers and avoiding McGonagall’s eyes.

“Well Mr. Lupin, if the time comes that you find someone you feel you can trust enough to tell, that is of course your decision. However I hardly need to tell you that unfortunately in our society there are still many who hold prejudiced beliefs against people such as yourself. As such I would recommend caution first and foremost.”

Remus nodded, affirming to himself that there was no need to worry. He’d never tell anyone as long as he could help it.

“Thank you Professor,” Remus said quietly “for doing all of this for me. I’m sorry you had to go to the trouble.”

McGonagall’s eyes softened with affection as she caught his gaze.

“It was no trouble at all Mr. Lupin. You deserve to be here as much as any other student. I hope you’ll remember that.”

\---

A little while later and Remus was sat cross-legged on his bed flicking absentmindedly through his _Beginners Guide to Transfiguration_ while he waited for his new roommates to arrive. Part of his mind still lingered on McGonagall and the Sorting Hat’s words, trying to reconcile them with the voice in the back of his head telling him to enjoy this all while he could because he’d be in for it when Greyback found him. The rest of him was wondering about just who he’d be sharing a dormitory with for the rest of the year.

It wasn’t long before he found out for himself. The noise reached him first before the three boys tumbled into the room. The blond boy seemed to be gushing over the food while the two dark haired boys Remus had noticed at the feast were sharing looks behind his back and giggling. The boy in the glasses pulled up short when he noticed Remus watching them quietly from his bed.

“Hey! You’re the one that got dragged out by McGonagall before the feast right?”

Remus nodded, peering up through his eyelashes at the three boys now looking at him curiously.

“Well what did she want? You can’t be in trouble already.” He smirked.

“Yeah you missed the feast!” Added the blond.

“I ate in her office.”

“Yeah but why were you in her office?” The third one asked, joining him on the bed, narrowing his eyes slightly as Remus flinched away.

“There was a mix-up with my letter so I didn’t have time to get everything, the Professor was helping me sort it out,” Remus improvised. One thing you could say about growing up in the pack was it taught you to lie, and lie well.

It wasn’t a completely new thought either. During his time in Diagon Alley if he hadn’t been worrying about being tracked down he was worrying about buying everything on the supply list. Luckily he’d grabbed his duffel bag on his way out of camp, his meagre belongings barely taking up a quarter of the space. Even with the new purchases, carefully packed to be of use as a pillow whenever the need arose, there was still room enough to fit a second cauldron. Remus was all too aware of just how little he had to his name, but seeing his muddy old duffel next to the other students great wooden trunks just served to drive the point home further. As it was he was fiercely protective of what was his, and it was for more than one reason he hoped these boys had a sense of privacy.

“I’m James by the way. James Potter.” The first boy said, holding his hand out in greeting.

“Remus Lupin. Nice to meet you.”

There was a moment of awkward silence when Remus just stared at James’ outstretched hand in confusion until he let it drop.

“I’m Peter Pettigrew and that’s –”

“Sirius.” Interrupted the other two. Remus gave them all a weak smile and got three in return before they all jumped up to get ready for bed.

Remus waited till last before taking his turn in the bathroom. After using the loo he went to wash his mouth out with water and found himself staring at three toothbrushes sat innocently in their holders by the sink. It had been 4 years since he’d used one. Dental hygiene wasn’t exactly a priority when you’re living on the fringes of society after all. Remus glared at his teeth in the mirror suddenly self-conscious. They were meant to be all straight weren’t they? Like James and Sirius’ were. He touched his tongue to the notch in his incisor, he’d chipped it some time last year while sparring with Aengus, he hadn’t thought anything of it at the time after all Aengus was missing his front two teeth completely. Now though, Remus thought as he looked at the toothbrushes, this stuff probably mattered. He couldn’t do much about it now however so compromised by squeezing some paste onto his finger and rubbing it over his teeth, grimacing at the sharp taste as he swallowed down the excess.

Walking back into the dorm Remus saw the blond one, _Peter_ he reminded himself, was already asleep having not bothered to pull the curtains around his bed. James and Sirius looked about ready to follow his lead, but Sirius turned to consider him first.

“Where are you from Lupin?”

Remus startled and turned wide eyes on the boy watching him from the shadows of the bed canopy. His heart leapt into his throat and he automatically rolled onto the balls of his feet.

“Yeah that’s a Welsh accent right?” Asked James and Remus made a vague noise of assent.

They waited for him to elaborate but when he just turned away Sirius and James shared a look and sleepily bid each other good night.

Remus pulled at the curtains round his own bed, leaving the one side open to keep a clear view of the exit out of habit. He was so exhausted he could feel it in his bones, it was as bad as the day after any full moon when every cell in his body was screaming to rest, and yet Remus found himself still awake long after the rest of the tower had fallen silent. The frustration had him on the edge of tears as he fidgeted restlessly trying to get comfortable on what seemed to be an unnecessarily soft mattress. Incredibly he found himself wishing for his pallet sitting cold and forgotten where he’d left it back at camp, but considering the bedfellows that more often than not came with his pallet he knew he was better off here.

Angrily wiping away a few stray tears he leant over the edge of the bed and quietly rifled through his duffel until his fingers wrapped around a familiar shape. He re-zipped the bag, tucking it back under the bed before relaxing back against his pillow, the little wooden figure gripped safely in his hand. He ran his fingertips over the swoop of the white dragons back, following it down and round to where its tail was entwined with the red dragon, locked together in an eternal battle of myth and legend. He couldn’t see which was which in the dark of the room but he didn’t need to, he’d long ago memorised every curve, scale and claw until he was certain he could reproduce it perfectly. Right down to the divot at the base of the red dragons tail, from where he’d dropped it when he was 4 years old. It had been a birthday gift from his parents, the last one before everything had gone wrong, and the only thing he still had from his life _before_. Over the years he’d nicked books that he remembered having read or even just seen on the shelves in the old house. Picking one up on each rare occasion that the pack had brought him into town, books that were currently wrapped up in his winter cloak at the bottom of his duffel. But the dragon figurine was the only thing that was truly from the _before,_ and as such it was his most valued possession.

Remus rolled over to face the door, the dragons cradled in his hands, and was finally able to drift off to sleep.

\---

He was the first to wake out of the four, the unfamiliar surroundings spurring him to his feet before his brain kicked in properly reminding him of where he was.

_Hogwarts. Hogwarts. Hogwarts._ He whispered to himself until his heart rate slowed down again. Looking out the window he saw the last streaks of gold sunrise were fading into the grey of an overcast morning and his thoughts drifted to what his usual morning routine would be, trudging down to the river with Levitt or Madley to collect the water for the day. Remus felt a certain thrill walking the few paces to the bathroom now, knowing that all the water he could ever want was just a twist of a knob away. The feeling only increased when he experienced his first ever shower with _warm water!_ Remus thought to himself he truly had never felt bliss like it as the water sluiced down his skin, his muscles unclenching in the heat. His scrub in the Kings Cross Station bathroom seemed dreadfully inadequate all of a sudden as Remus soaked his hair until the water ran clear. He hadn’t realised just how long he’d been in there until he switched the water off and heard the shuffling of his waking roommates next door.

Dismayed he picked up his clothes for the day. He’d never felt so clean for as long as he could remember and he knew that feeling would be gone the moment he got dressed. He didn’t have a choice really, he only had two sets of clothes after all and there’d hardly been the opportunity to wash them. His clothes from last night were even worse, Remus having put them on fresh his last day in the woods and not changed since. He’d only elected to take his trousers off last night, his shirt and underwear serving in place of pyjamas.

Resigning himself to it as he heard the noise next door pick up in volume; he pulled on his second pair of trousers, patched within an inch of their life, along with the shirt and his school robes before brushing his teeth with his finger again and stepping back into the dorm.

Remus shivered as his damp hair dripped down his collar but couldn’t hide a smile as he watched Sirius and Peter gearing up to jump on a still snoozing James. Sirius held up three fingers and counted down, when he reached one they both leapt onto the bed and James tumbled to the floor with a startled squeak sending them all into fits of laughter. They were still giggling half an hour later as they made their way to the Great Hall, Remus trailing a few steps behind the trio.

He hadn’t had the chance to appreciate the magnificent feast from the night before, but looking now at the immense volume and variety on offer for breakfast, Remus could only imagine how spectacular it must have been. All the first years sat clustered together at one end of the Gryffindor table, and Remus was happy to see they’d even saved a space for him between Sirius and Lily, who seemed to have recovered from her disappointment over her friend the night before. Remus took little notice of the others conversation, preoccupied by all the food laid out before him. His face split into an enormous grin when he spied a bowl full of sunshine yellow eggs and immediately began loading a mound of it onto his plate. He closed his eyes and moaned enthusiastically as he shovelled a heaped spoonful of delicious scramble into his mouth. When he looked up he was met with the bemused stares of the others and Remus was reminded suddenly of McGonagall’s expression from last night.

“I really love eggs. “ He mumbled sheepishly.

“You not allowed eggs at home or something?” Asked James, “oh wait are you like one of those vegetabl-ers?”

“What’s a vegetabl-er?” Said Sirius through a mouthful of cereal.

“It’s someone who doesn’t eat stuff from animals.”

“I think you’re thinking of vegetarians. But you actually mean vegan.” Lily pointed out.

“What’s the difference?”

“Vegetarians don’t eat meat but they can still eat milk and cheese and eggs and stuff. Vegans don’t eat anything from animals.” The dark haired girl next to Lily explained.

“And how do you know that?”

“My older sisters a hippie.” She said casually as if that explained everything.

James nodded decisively although Remus was pretty sure he had no more idea what a _hippie_ was than he himself did.

“So are you one of those then?” Sirius asked.

“Oh, uh... no. We just don’t really have eggs where I’m from.” He answered avoiding eye contact.

Sirius looked ready to ask something more but to Remus’ relief they were interrupted by one of the Prefects who was handing out timetables. Remus quickly scraped up the last of his eggs and got up to try and find the right classroom for his first lesson Charms, figuring it might take him a while to navigate his way through the sprawling castle. The thought clearly occurred to the others as well and soon all nine Gryffindor’s were wandering through the corridors, trying to remember the directions the fifth year that Lily had asked had given them.

Despite a couple of hastily retraced wrong turns where James and Sirius had gotten ahead of themselves, they successfully found the right room and filed in one after the other. They were paired with the Hufflepuff’s in Charms and Remus found himself sat between two boys who seemed to already know each other and were chatting happily over his head. They quieted down when Professor Flitwick cleared his throat and in a cheerful if slightly squeaky voice welcomed them all and started outlining the lesson.

With a thrill Remus picked up his wand and imitated the swish and flick motion along with the rest of the class. This was what he was really here for after all. As amazing as the food, the conveniences, and the books all were, to actually be learning _magic_ ; not just indulging but actually being taught to control and develop this power that for the last four years he’d been denied, was positively exhilarating. By the end of the lesson he hadn’t managed to levitate his feather much higher than his own head but the achievement was still enough to make him feel giddy. The feeling lasted him all through Potions, although being paired with the Slytherin’s was apparently enough to put Sirius in a foul mood. He seemed to cheer up a bit after James muttered in his ear but based on the gleam in his eyes as they both turned towards the boy working with Lily, Remus recognised it was probably over something less than innocent.

Whatever it was they were plotting, it kept them occupied all through lunch and they only stopped whispering when Professor McGonagall threatened to take points away if they didn’t concentrate. Remus couldn’t help but be grateful since the low murmurs had been starting to put him on edge. Peter too had stopped frowning at the pair of them, although his displeasure Remus reckoned, was more likely from being left out than the disapproval clearly emanating from Lily who’d been shooting them not so subtle glares for the last twenty minutes.

The moment they all got back to the common room the whispering started up again, this time with Peter joining in. Remus lingered for a moment feeling awkward before deciding he might as well catch up on his sleep while his roommates were firmly situated downstairs. He woke up briefly around dinner time just long enough to decide he wasn’t really hungry before falling back asleep. The next time he woke it was morning once again.

\---

The next few days passed in much the same way. The three boys spent their time joking around and while they never ignored Remus, neither was he really a part of the group. He told himself this suited him just fine, after all no-one could discover his secrets if he never let them close enough to see he had any. As it was he’d been doing his best to keep under the radar after Peter had asked him quite loudly at dinner the second night why he never used his fork. He’d been gnawing on a hunk of potato speared on the end of his knife at the time, the same way he’d eaten in camp. He hadn’t had a decent excuse, but luckily everyone’s attention was quickly diverted when the results of the boys plotting were finally revealed. The boy from Potions, Snape he now knew, jumped to his feet screaming bloody murder as his nose rapidly grew until it touched the table top. His roommates fell about laughing and congratulating themselves, and earning a weeks worth of detentions for their trouble.

Still, Remus had made extra effort not to draw attention to himself since then. And that included using all the cutlery, although on days when he was feeling particularly self-conscious he’d stay only long enough to wrap up a couple of sausages and bread rolls in a napkin to eat in the dormitory with his hands.

Sunday came around quickly and with it his first full moon at Hogwarts. Remus had suffered through all the usual flu like symptoms of the last couple of days well enough, quarantining himself in the dorm when the noise in the common room got too much for his headache. The excuse had been enough to appease the others at least when they came in, grumbling over the fact McGonagall had given them detention on a weekend, and realised Remus hadn’t been out enjoying his Saturday with everyone else. He’d ended up skipping dinner and instead headed straight to the hospital wing, sitting on a cot until Madam Pomfrey came to fetch him.

He sat with his chin resting on his knees as he waited for night to fall completely, taking all sense of himself with it until dawn broke. He shivered in the middle of the floorboards, his robes were safely folded away out of reach of the wolf under a loose panel, and Madam Pomfrey was looking after his wand just in case. Remus didn’t know exactly what kind of measures the Headmaster had taken to safeguard the Shack for him, but he hoped there were a few extras _just in case_. Despite living with Greyback and the pack for the last four years, he’d never run with them on a full moon, instead transforming in an old disused silo on the edge of camp with a padlock on the door. He’d never questioned why, just happy in the knowledge that he could be sure the wolf had never hurt anyone besides Remus, but Greyback had told him it was because his first kill was to be special, on the day that he came of age and took his proper place next to his Sire at the head of the pack.

He knew that couldn’t really be the reason for it. Greyback was far too practical to put stock in traditional things like coming of age. There was also the fact that Remus had long forgotten when his birthday was, the information lost in the muddy tangle of his memories, and he could hardly expect Greyback to know. But then Greyback had always treated him differently.

Remus didn’t know what made him different from the others, after all there were members like Levitt and Findlay who were only a year or two older, but still they ran with the pack. And while Greyback certainly hadn’t Sired everyone in the camp, Remus was far from his only ‘pup’. Yet for all Remus resented the man for having given him the curse, he still owed him his life.

His parents had managed two years before they gave up. Remus didn’t know what it was that finally pushed them over the edge but at just seven years old there was no way he could have survived on his own. His only memories of that time were all pain and fear but Fenrir had told him of how the house had been abandoned when he searched it, drawn by the screaming of a child locked in the basement on the day after a full moon. He told of how the connection between pup and Sire had given Remus the strength to hold on until they reached the safety of the pack, where they patched him up and took him in as one of their own. Remus couldn’t blame his parents for wanting to leave. They didn’t ask for this anymore than he did. And yet the man who’d condemned him was the same man who saved him, and as awful a man as Remus knew Greyback to be, he couldn’t help but feel he owed him for that.

All introspection was cut short as the transformation took hold and it was some 14 hours later before he was able to think again through all the pain.

\---

By December Remus had settled into a routine. Getting up early to luxuriate under the shower before his roommates awoke, splitting his time outside classes between the library and the common room, sequestered in a corner spot he’d unofficially claimed as his own. He’d since re-learned to use his cutlery and no longer took any food back to the dorm, and while he didn’t exactly have _friends_ he was on friendly enough terms with the other students.

Things only really started to change after one particularly memorable Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson. Professor Rogate was running late and Remus was listening politely to Marlene as she expounded on the finer points of some band he hadn’t caught the name of. They both jumped when Lily shrieked and they turned to see a Niffler had latched itself onto her wrist as it tried to work her charm bracelet off. James was trying to help by shooting spells at it though Cassandra was quick to stop him after a stinging jinx narrowly missed Lily’s ear. The Niffler meanwhile had succeeded in stealing the bracelet and was now scurrying through everyone’s legs as they ran around the room in a panic. Remus leapt to his feet and stripped off his robes laying them flat on the floor by his desk, digging around in his pocket he came up with a handful of coins and jangled them in his palm to get the creatures attention then piled them enticingly in the middle of the fabric. He squatted down behind the desk, poised as the Niffler scuttled closer. So focused was he, Remus didn’t notice that the rest of the class had stopped panicking and were now watching him with interest. The moment all four paws were on the makeshift blanket trap Remus pounced, scooping the distracted beast up in his robes and wrapping it up tightly before it could slash its way to freedom.

Remus sat back with his squirming bundle grinning happily, only brought back down to earth when Professor Rogate cleared his throat from the doorway.

“It’s not mine!” He blurted out.

“I’m quite aware of that Mr. Lupin, but thank you for clarifying all the same.” The Professor said clearly amused. “No, that little creature is the reason I’m late. It seems some practical jokers thought it would be funny to set it loose in the castle.”

Lily turned to Sirius, James and Peter with a scowl. She’d not forgiven them for pranking Snape back in September, and they hadn’t done themselves any favours when they planted several dung bombs in the girls bathroom a fortnight later, losing Gryffindor 20 points each in the process.

“It wasn’t us, we’ve been here this whole time!” James defended, though Lily didn’t seem convinced.

“Miss Evans, would you kindly fetch Professor Kettleburn and let him know we’ve caught our little intruder please.” The Professor smoothly interrupted, taking the Niffler from Remus.

Once Lily had returned and Kettleburn had taken charge of the furry menace, promising to retrieve Lily’s bracelet before he released it back into the Forbidden Forest, the lesson continued as normal. Though Remus was aware of the two sets of eyes trained on the back of his head whenever Rogate wasn’t looking. The pair at least waited until after class to catch up to him.

“Hey Lupin!” Sirius called from down the hallway. Remus waited for him to reach him, James and Peter in tow.

“Yeah?”

“That was wicked man. How did you know what to do?”

“I’m sorry?”

“With the Niffler!” Clarified James, “you were like a freaking cat the way you pounced on it. That was so cool!”

Remus was a little taken aback, not used to having the full attention of his three exuberant roommates to himself before.

“Uh well that’s just how I catch rabbits and stuff...” He answered awkwardly.

“I have a pet rabbit at home,” Peter said “he’s called Flopsy.”

“What kind of a name is _Flopsy?_ ” Sirius joked, making Peter blush.

“My mum named it.” He defended.

“Why would you name a rabbit?” Remus asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Well what’s the point when you’re just gonna eat it?”

Peter gasped.

“I’d never eat Flopsy, he’s my pet!”

“OK. Um... sorry?” Remus said, not entirely sure what he was apologising for but feeling like he should anyway.

“Don’t worry about it Lupin.” Sirius flung his arm around Remus’ shoulders, ignoring how he flinched at the contact, “I’ve never had a pet either.”

“What about your owl?” James asked.

“Cornucopia is the family owl. He’s more my mother’s winged minion than a pet.”

“Since when do you know words like minion?”

“One must know these things when one is the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.” Sirius answered in the most pompous voice he could muster.

Gradually Remus relaxed under his arm and Sirius’ smile turned just a little smug, as they continued chatting on their way back to the tower.

“So you hunt your own food and stuff then. Is that why in Potions, when we had to extract rat spleens you were so good at it?” James asked once they were back in the dorm.

“Yeah you were even better at it than Snivellus was!” Peter added.

“Snivellus?” Remus asked, though he was pretty sure he could guess the answer.

“He means Snape.” Sirius explained, “the slimy git.”

“That’s the one you did the nose thing to right?”

They immediately started chuckling again.

“Yeah that was too good.”

“Worth the detentions?”

“Damn right!” James said. “Speaking of which Remus, how do you feel about putting those quick reflexes of yours towards a good cause?”

Remus smiled nervously.

“How do you mean?”

The three matching smirks had him suspecting he’d have his own share of detentions to look forward to in the near future.

\---

He’d been officially adopted into the group after that day. His pick-pocketing skills had even come in handy when Snape’s boil cure potion exploded, but thanks to Remus slipping a handful of rose thorns into the Slytherin’s pocket, Rosier ended up spending his afternoon cleaning the leech tanks instead of Sirius.

Remus didn’t really understand what his roommates had against Snape. Sure the boy wasn’t exactly friendly, his expression usually either a sneer or a scowl, although it softened considerably when talking to Lily. Otherwise he didn’t seem particularly objectionable. Remus couldn’t say the same for Rosier who he’d overheard making threats against a Hufflepuff girl until she burst into tears, so it was particularly satisfying to see him trudging into the Great Hall that evening several shades paler and covered in sucker marks.

Of course Remus looked far worse after his next transformation. It was always rougher in the colder months and the winters had more bite to them as far up in the Highlands as Hogwarts was. When Madam Pomfrey came to fetch him the next morning his shivers were so violent they bordered on convulsions. The healer had to cast three warming charms over him before he was still enough for her to catalogue his injuries and get to work.

In the first three minutes since Remus woke up he’d had four separate potions forced down his throat and strict instructions not to move a muscle while his bones knitted themselves back together. In an oddly maternal gesture Madam Pomfrey had smoothed the hair back from his forehead before disappearing behind the screen to tend to her other patients, and Remus wondered if his parents had tended to him like this. He wondered if his mother had held his hand while his bones were re-set, or if his father had carried him in his arms up from the basement the next day and tucked him into bed. Or perhaps they couldn’t bear it from the start, perhaps they healed the worst of his wounds and left him there until he could summon the strength to crawl back upstairs himself. He wondered if they ever told him that they loved him. Or even that they were sorry.

Remus let the tears fall freely and idly wondered if in all her fussing Madam Pomfrey would let him spend another night in the hospital wing. He’d have to face James, Sirius, and Peter eventually but the longer he could put it off the better. After all Remus was sure that thanks to his unexpected friendship with the boys they’d be paying more attention when he gave his monthly excuse for disappearing, and while a vague _I was sick_ had been enough before, he didn’t think that would cut it this time.

In the end however Remus figured it was better to get it over with. Maybe if he stuck to the common room he could avoid being cornered, and the noise of the extra students would do well to distract him from his own miserable thoughts. He’d missed a full day of lessons by the time Madam Pomfrey had given him the all clear, though her reluctance to do so made Remus think she’d have been more than happy to let him stay the night if he’d asked.

Everyone was at dinner by the time he reached the tower and so he distracted himself for a while with his DADA essay. He had it almost finished by the time the others wandered in, Sirius making a beeline for him when he saw they’re errant roommate had reappeared.

“And where have you been young man?”

Sirius straight to the point as expected.

“What’s wrong with your arm?” James asked quietly.

“Dislocated it.” Remus said lightly. Sirius’ smile was immediately replaced with a look of concern to match James’.

“How?”

“Slipped and landed funny. No big deal.”

“But you’ve been gone since last night. You saying you’ve been in the hospital wing all this time?” Sirius said disbelievingly.

“Yeah when Roderick did his shoulder in at Quidditch practice, it only took like an hour to sort him out. You’ve been gone for ages!” Peter added.

“Well there were complications.” Remus argued, voice becoming clipped.

“Like what?”

“Are you OK?”

“Did someone push you? Give me their name I’ll kill em!”

That caught all of their attention, taken aback at the fierce protectiveness in Sirius’ expression.

“No, no!” Remus hastened to reassure, “I just slipped, like I said. I trapped a nerve popping it back into place and Madam Pomfrey just wanted to check nothing was damaged.” He invented. Remus was pretty sure that could happen with dislocated shoulders. At least that’s how Stepney claimed he lost the feeling in his left arm, though Madley always said he was faking it.

“But you’re alright now though.” Peter asked again, looking a bit green at the description.

“Bit tired and sore but yeah, I’m fine guys really.”

“Too tired for Exploding Snap?” Sirius said, already up and digging around in his trunk for the cards.

Remus grinned relieved as all four of them sat in a circle on the floor with Sirius dealing. Remus knew his roommates would demand he elaborate, but he had thought it would come from a place of suspicion and curiosity. The kind that led to James being trapped in a cupboard all night when he decided to follow a supposed ‘short-cut’ from the great Hall to the common room on his own. Or when they discovered Peter had a secret stash of sweets under his bed for ‘midnight snacking’. The concern they all showed instead set off a warm fluttering in Remus’ chest, and he couldn’t help smiling even as he lost the first two rounds of the game.


	2. Chapter 2

Lily was sat in his corner in the library and Remus wasn’t sure what to do. Objectively he knew it wasn’t really _his_ corner, he should really just find another table to sit at. But he’d always sat in that corner, to sit anywhere else would feel wrong and OK maybe he didn’t _own_ the corner, but surely after sitting there almost every day since he arrived at Hogwarts meant he had _some_ sort of ownership or priority over sitting there.

Just as Remus was debating whether he should just come back when Lily was gone, he heard a choked off sob coming from her direction. Getting closer he noticed she was blinking rapidly and had a white-knuckled grip on the book open on her lap.

“You’re crying!” He said in surprise, apologising when she jumped at the sound.

“Um... Hello Remus I didn’t see you.”

Remus hesitated for a second before throwing himself down next to her.

“Uh... why are you crying?” He asked softly.

“Oh I’m just being silly,” Lily sniffed. “Some stupid boys just said stuff that upset me.”

“Well what did they say?”

“Oh it was just the usual Pureblood rubbish, saying they’re better than me just because of who their parents are.” She said bitterly.

“Wait what’s a Pureblood?” Remus asked. He was sure he’d heard the name before but couldn’t place it.

“It’s just someone who’s parents are both wizards, you know like your roommates, but some people thinks it makes them superior to everyone else.”

“My friends don’t think that do they?” Remus asked alarmed.

“No I didn’t mean that. Well I don’t know about Black, some of the girls say his family is really dodgy but anyway... That’s not even really why I’m upset.”

“No?”

“No.” Lily sighed. “I guess it’s just...when I got my letter I was so excited. It was like there is this entire world that I never even knew existed and I get to be a part of it, and learn all these incredible things, and I get to do _magic!_ It was like the best thing that could ever happen to me you know? But Petunia, my sister was really upset and called me a freak and she won’t reply to any of my letters. And then I come here and there are people calling me names because I’m not like them either and it’s just so...” Lily trailed off dejected.

They sat in silence for a minute or two while Remus tried to think of something comforting to say. He supposed he knew a little of how Lily felt, although the thrill and excitement of receiving his own letter had been tempered by disbelief and fear.

“I’m sorry about your sister.” He offered.

“That’s OK. Sev says she’s just jealous and she’ll get over it eventually. Are you Muggleborn too if you don’t know about Purebloods?”

“Oh um, no my mum was Muggle but my dad had magic. What’s that make me, bit of both blood?” He said jokingly.

“Halfblood,” Lily corrected, huffing a laugh.

Remus smiled back at her, relieved that whatever he’d said seemed to have been enough to cheer his fellow Gryffindor up.

“Thank you Remus.” Lily said shyly. “I should get back to studying, would you like to join me?”

Remus nodded, but then bit his lip as he got out his books. Lily had shared something personal with him, like friends do. He wondered if _he_ should share something now then. There was a problem he’d been having, and for some reason or another he felt like it wasn’t a problem that his roommates could help with. But perhaps Lily could help, and that way he’d also be sharing like friends do!

“Lily could you help me with something?”

“Of course.”

“Could you teach me how to write notes like you do.”

Lily looked surprised.

“Sure Remus. But I’ve seen you taking notes before, what part exactly are you struggling with?”

He paused, considering how best to explain it in such a way that wouldn’t lead to any uncomfortable further questions.

“I’m not good at writing.” He started slowly, “it takes me a long time and the teachers all talk too fast, so when I finish writing one thing they’re already talking about something else and I get completely lost.”

It was a problem he’d been struggling with since the first day of term, but after Christmas everything seemed to have become much harder. It was as if the teachers were trying to make up for lost time over the holidays and Remus was left scrambling to keep up. On the plus side it seemed that his muscles had finally adjusted to so much writing, after four years when the closest he got to holding a quill was using a stick to draw in the dirt. His penchant for stealing books had turned out to be a blessing as Remus hated to think what his reading ability would have been like without them. Alone in the dorm by the light of his wand he’d taken to copying out the letters carefully, practicing until his handwriting was no longer the slanting scrawl of a seven year old, but neat even rows of printed text.

He worried for a moment that Lily might scoff at him for not knowing how to do something so simple, but she just smiled and explained, patiently going over things again whenever he didn’t understand. Remus decided then that if he was going to share his corner with anyone, he was happy to do so with Lily.

\---

Remus knocked on the door and waited for the person on the other side to bid him enter before slipping inside.

“Mr Lupin, what can I do for you?” Asked Professor McGonagall from behind her desk.

“I um— I wanted to ask you something.” He said tracing the outline of the dragon figurine in his pocket, feeling much the same way as he had the first time he’d sat in this office.

“A problem with the homework assignment perhaps?” She guessed.

“No it’s not a school thing... it’s a personal thing.”

McGonagall’s eyes turned sharp as she peered at him over the top of her glasses and nodded for him to continue.

“I was just wondering about the letters.”

“The letters?”

“The ones you send out before school.” Remus elaborated.

“What about them Mr Lupin?”

“Well I was thinking about how the owl found me, and on the envelope it was addressed right to where I was even though— even though I wasn’t in a place that was easy to find. And I was just wondering if you could find other people the same way, other people that might be hard to find.”

“The charm used to address Hogwarts acceptance letters is a very particular one, one that only works in regards to all current and future students at the school. However there are spells that can be used to locate people. The Homunculus Charm for example, then there’s the Trace which the Ministry employs.” The Professor paused before asking gently, “who is it you want to find Remus?”

He took a deep breath before answering in a hoarse voice.

“My parents.”

They sat in silence for a minute or two before Remus chanced a look at McGonagall who’s face was lined with sympathy. It was a look he’d received a lot in the last few months. On the faces of the people who passed him on the street in Diagon Alley. It was the face of Madam Pomfrey when she left him in the Shack each month. And on the faces of his teachers when he handed in his homework later than anyone else. It never failed to make him uncomfortable.

“I don’t need to talk to them or anything, I don’t even need to see them! I know they won’t want to see _me_ , but I just... I want to know what happened to them.” He finished quietly.

“Well I can bring this matter to the Headmaster, I’m sure he will have some ideas of where to begin. But in the meantime Mr Lupin,” she said kindly, “if you should ever feel the need to talk, if there are matters you aren’t able to confide in your friends about, know that my door is always open to you.”

“Thank you.” Remus whispered.

\---

“Remus amoebus my good man! Come sit with me.” Sirius called as Remus climbed through the portrait hole.

“Remus amoebus?” He asked incredulously.

“You don’t like that one? OK how about Remy jemmy? Remus-gloomy-gus? Poopin’ Lupin?”

“Please, dear Merlin, stop.”

“No wait I’ve got it! Remoo, that’s the one!”

“Will you stop if I say OK?”

“Maybe, no guarantees.”

Remus sighed, ignoring Sirius’ cheesy grin as he joined him on the sofa.

“Bertie Bott’s bean?”

“Mm, thanks.” Remus said, picking one out of the box, “oh wait no, rotten egg. Go for a watermelon one.” He switched at the last minute.

“Hold up a second, how do you know which is which?”

“Well you just smell them.” Remus stated as if it was obvious. Sirius brought one up to sniff it frowning.

“That doesn’t work!” He argued, “they don’t smell like anything. You’re just messing with me aren’t you?”

“No I’m not, you really can’t smell it?” Remus said, wondering if he’d slipped up again.

“Nuh-uh, you’re having me on.”

“I’m really not.”

“No one can smell that well.”

“Why would I bother making it up?”

“You can’t fool me Monsieur Remoo!”

“For the love of—”

“What are you two arguing about now?” Asked James flopping down into the chair opposite.

“Remus is making outrageous claims.”

“No I’m not!”

“Well what’s he claiming?” Asked James.

“He says he can smell which kind of Bertie bean is which, but I think he’s pulling my leg.”

“Well that’s easily solved just put him to the test.”

“A challenge you say?”

“I said test but yeah.”

“Oh ho ho!  What say you Remoo? Do you accept the challenge or be forever known as a fiendish fiend for all time.”

Remus sighed.

“You are ridiculous, but sure I accept.”

Sirius cheered and James leant over to swipe the box off of his lap.

“OK chaps,” he announced. “Me and Sirius will be the testers. We’ll have ten beans each and if Mr Lupin correctly identifies let’s say fifteen at least, with his super sniffer, he wins. Agreed?”

They both nodded and James counted out twenty beans before handing the first over for inspection. Remus took it resigned and dutifully gave it a sniff.

“Lemon.” He pronounced handing it back.

Sirius leaned forwards as James chewed slowly, to increase the suspense presumably.

“Point to Remus, lemon it is.”

“Wait close your eyes.” Sirius ordered, “the colour makes it easier to guess.”

Remus sighed louder this time but closed his eyes anyway and held his palm out.

“That’s soap.”

“Well Sirius?” James asked smugly at the look of disgust on his friends face.

“Soap,” he agreed grimacing.

Other than confusing a cherry for a tutti-frutti, Remus correctly identified the rest and Sirius was forced to admit defeat.

“Well what can I say, who knew our own little Lupin had a secret superpower all this time.”

Remus’ smile turned a little forced at the word secret but he quickly stifled it, laughing along with his friends.

“Yep. Our Remus is a freak alright.” James joked.

“How dare you say that Potter! I thought Remus was supposed to be your friend.” Came an outraged cry from behind them. All three boys turned to see an irate Lily Evans stood there, her cheeks flushed with anger as she scowled at James.

“No Lily, he was joking, it’s not like you think honestly.” Remus rushed to reassure her.

Lily didn’t look like she believed him; but after considering him for a moment clearly decided to let it go for now and with a last scowl in James’ direction, swept off to the dorm.

“What was that about?” James asked offended.

“Oh nothing, Lily’s just being having some trouble with people about being Muggleborn.” Remus explained. Not sure how much Lily would want him to tell his friends, especially as she’d gotten into the habit of referring to them only as ‘toe rags’ or his ‘idiot roommates’ during their study sessions together.

“Bloody Slytherin’s.” Muttered Sirius darkly.

“She didn’t say who they were.” Remus pointed out.

“If it’s about blood it’s always Slytherin’s.”

Remus remembered then that Sirius’ cousins had all been Slytherin’s, he thought back to what Lily had told him about the Black family apparently being ‘a bit dodgy’ and wondered idly if there was a connection between the two facts.

“We should do something about them.” James said, now offended on Lily’s behalf instead of his own.

Sirius and James shared a look between them, eyes glittering with mischief and Remus had the sinking feeling that a particularly elaborate prank was in the works.

\---

“Son of a flobberworm Remus you’re bleeding!” Yelled Peter, watching with horror as red dripped steadily from Remus’ hand.

“Damn it.” Remus said mildly, and Peter had to turn away and cover his mouth as he pulled a large shard of glass out of his palm.

He frowned at the large gash left behind as if it was more irritating than painful and paid little mind to the rapidly spreading pool of blood on the desk. Or indeed the shouting and squealing of his classmates as they saw the state of his hand.

“Oh my god, Lupin’s been stabbed!”

“Is he gonna die?”

“Look at the _blood!”_

“Bloody hell Remus you need Madam Pomfrey. Professor!” Shouted Sirius above the clamouring.

“Now calm down everyone, what’s all the fuss.” Said Professor Slughorn as he bustled his way over to them. He tutted on examining Remus’ hand. “Oh dear, broken vial was it Mr Lupin? Yes, Mr Black if you would take him to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey will have that sorted in a jiffy. The rest of you back to work now, Mr Potter if you would work with Mr Pettigrew in the meantime.” He ordered vanishing the blood from the desk and the floor.

James and Peter caught up with Sirius on his way back from the hospital wing and simply raised their eyebrows expectedly.

“He’s fine, Pomfrey sorted him.” He answered the unspoken question, “boy but the way he was acting you’d think it was no worse than a hang nail. If I’d sliced my hand like that I’d be screaming but Remus was just quiet the whole time.”

“Yeah I remember when you got that paper cut, my ears were ringing for hours.” Peter laughed.

“Oi! Paper cuts are evil, everyone knows that.”

“That’s six.” Said James quietly.

“What’s six?” Asked Peter.

“That’s the sixth time Remus has ended up in the hospital wing.”

“So? Why are you keeping track?” Asked Sirius bemused.

“He’s my friend.”

“He’s mine too.”

“So it doesn’t bother you that your friend is getting hurt or sick all the time?”

“He’s clumsy.” Said Peter.

“That’s what he says sure, but I’ve never seen him trip or drop stuff. His reflexes are even better than mine!” James argued.

“So what exactly are you saying James?” Asked Sirius after a moment of considering. James took a breath before meeting first Sirius’ then Peter’s eyes.

“I think something’s wrong with Remus.” He stated firmly, “I think he’s hiding something and we’re gonna find out what.”

\---

Remus was in deep thought as he walked back to the tower, his mind stuck on the conversation he’d overheard between a group of third years earlier.

“It’s just so unfair! No one else has to stay behind.”

“Well can’t you ask your dad?”

“He’s the one who _told_ mum about them lurking around and freaked her out about it.”

“It is pretty scary if they’re what your dad says they are though. I’ll pick you up some Honeyduke’s chocolate anyway.”

“Cheers.”

They hadn’t actually said all that much but something about it had set Remus on edge. It seemed to be a day for catching the tail ends of conversations, as Remus paused on the steps outside the dorm and heard Sirius, James, and Peter talking in low serious voices.

“You don’t really think they could be doing _that_ to him though do you?” Came James’ voice.

“Why not? He’s covered and they don’t look new. And he never talks about them _.”_

Remus quickly realised they were talking about him as he thought back to last week, when running late Sirius had caught him coming out of the bathroom half dressed. In the short space of time before Remus had leapt behind his bed curtains, Sirius had clearly taken note of the patchwork of scars decorating his skin.

“Maybe he just doesn’t get on with them, same as you.”

“I still don’t get why we can’t just ask him.” Added Peter.

“Ask me what?”

The three boys jumped dramatically as they turned to see Remus stood in the doorway with his arms crossed, a worryingly mild expression on his face.

“Moves like a bloody cat.” Sirius muttered clutching a hand to his chest.

“Oh hey Remus we didn’t hear you come in!” Said James a little too loud to be convincing. “Where have you been mate?”

“Discussing knitting patterns with Dumbledore. Ask me what?” Remus repeated.

James and Sirius locked eyes and seemed to share one of their strange non-verbal conversations which apparently ended with Sirius being silently volunteered to explain.

“Well we were just wondering if uh...” He trailed off awkwardly. “We were curious what your parents thought about you staying over the Christmas holidays. I mean I know its February and all, but we never really— I mean you never really talk about your family and stuff.”

“Well I doubt they thought much of anything, seeing as they’ve been gone since I was seven.” Remus said without inflection.

“Oh hell, sorry Remus we didn’t realise.” James said.

“So do you live with your grandparents or an aunt or something then?” Peter asked.

“No I don’t have family.” Remus replied bluntly, beginning to feel uncomfortable but not wanting to outright lie to his friends more than necessary.

“Who looks after you then?”

“People.” He answered vaguely.

“What like strangers?”

“No I know them.”

“Well yeah but like where do you live?”

“In the countryside.”

“But where in the countryside?”

“Why do you _care?”_

“Because we’re your _friends!”_ Yelled Sirius now on his feet, “and friends are supposed to know this stuff, but we don’t because you never talk about it!”

“How am I supposed to know that when this is the first time you’ve asked me!” Remus shouted back.

“So you’re saying you’d have answered, just like that if we asked?” James challenged.

“Why don’t you ask and find out then instead of talking about me when I’m not here.” Remus gritted out, a low level panic beginning to war with anger inside his head.

He was gratified when Peter looked away guiltily and even James shifted a bit self-consciously, but Sirius simply glowered back, meeting his gaze defiantly.

“Tell us who gave you those scars then.” Sirius said, ignoring Peter’s gasp and James’ not so subtle abort signals.

“No one gave me the scars.” Remus whispered.

“Was it an accident then?”

“Not quite.”

“Why are you in the hospital wing all the time?”

“I get hurt a lot.”

“But you said no one was hurting you.”

“No one is.

“But you’re not clumsy.”

Remus didn’t know what to say to that so kept quiet. His anger had cooled and he was left with a sense of sadness that was draining. No one said a word as he turned and climbed into bed, drawing the curtains around him and taking his dragons out from under the pillow. It was still a few hours before they were expected to be in bed, and the shuffling outside was followed by the soft click of the door as his roommates headed down to the common room. Silence fell and Remus wondered if his first proper friendship was already falling apart.

\---

“So we’re agreed then. Next time Remus leaves for the hospital wing we follow him under the cloak.”

“I don’t know about this guys.” Said Peter nervously. “Don’t you think Remus would just tell us if it was really bad? He’s gonna be angry if he finds out we went behind his back again.”

“That’s the point Pete!” Reasoned James. “We’re his friends and if something bad _is_ happening it’s up to us to help him.”

“Even if Remus doesn’t ask for it. We have to prove to him that he can trust us.” Agreed Sirius.

“By going behind his back?”

“For the last time _yes Peter!”_

“I still say he’s gonna be angry when he finds out.” Peter muttered.

“He’s already avoiding us Pete, what else can he do?” James pointed out.

Indeed, after the argument things were almost back to how it was at the beginning of the year. With Remus spending more and more of his time with Lily in the library, much to Snape’s displeasure, although the Slytherin took care not to show it in front of her. And while Remus still sat with his roommates at mealtimes and in lessons, any conversation that veered too close to personal subjects was swiftly diverted. The Gryffindor’s boys dormitory had become a very tense place to be, and all four of its occupants were desperate for something to break it.

Which is how Sirius, James, and Peter found themselves uncomfortably wedged between two empty cots in the hospital wing, hidden beneath the invisibility cloak, and waiting to discover _anything_ that might explain why their mysterious friend Remus Lupin was lying in the opposite bed for the seventh time this year. Particularly as he was apparently well enough to be doing his homework.

The boys had been there for an hour already and were quite thoroughly bored of watching Remus flipping through his textbook. Sirius supposed he did look a little pale, the dark smudges under his eyes a touch starker perhaps. Not that Remus had ever looked particularly _healthy_ mind. He had never had the roundness of childhood that clung to other eleven year olds, the baggy patchwork of his clothes masking a leanness unnatural on so young a boy, along with the scars that had got Sirius worrying in the first place.

Then there was the flinching. Sirius was by no means a touchy-feely type himself, growing up as he did in a family where hugging was seen as practically vulgar, but Remus tended to get twitchy over something as simple as a hand on the shoulder. He’d calmed down since they’d become friends, but he still tended to jerk when a touch was unexpected.

Peter was fidgeting next to him and Sirius was about to propose they sneak out and try coming back later when James clapped his hand over his mouth, having spotted Madam Pomfrey coming towards them.

“Are you sure I can’t get you anything dear?” She asked smiling down at Remus, her usual brisk manner softening around her favourite patient. “You’ve got another hour before the moons up.”

“No I’m fine Madam Pomfrey thank you. Actually do you have any other patients or could we head down now?” Remus asked politely.

“We can do if you’re sure dear, there’s no rush if you’d like to rest a little longer.”

“No I think I’ll feel more relaxed in the Shack if that’s OK. I’m afraid I have the feeling this might be another bad one, I’m sorry.”

“Oh don’t apologise dear boy, I’m just sorry you have to go through this every month.” Madam Pomfrey sniffed, and Sirius was shocked to hear a catch in her voice as if she was holding back tears. “Well if you’re sure we’d best be getting along, I’ll be there just as soon as dawn breaks to patch you up.”

Remus packed away his homework and stood handing over his wand. The healer gave a light tap to the top of his head with her own wand and the boys watched as Remus seemed to shimmer for a moment before turning invisible. The pair exited the room and Sirius thought he could see vague movement from next to Madam Pomfrey and realised Remus must have been under a Disillusionment Charm.

James waited until they’d turned the corner and were out of sight before whipping off the cloak and leaping to his feet. He turned to see an expression of shock on Sirius’ face that he was sure matched his own as they both came to the same conclusion, while Peter just looked confused.

“What was all that about do you think?” He asked.

“He’s still our friend.” James whispered after a long moment, eyes locked with Sirius.

“He should have told us.” Sirius said, hurt colouring his voice somewhat.

“Can you blame him?”

“No.” He answered immediately.

“He’s still our friend.” Repeated James. “And we’re still gonna help him.”

Sirius nodded and together they left the hospital wing.

\---

Remus’ instinct turned out to be correct and he was laid up in hospital for a full week after the moon. While the cuts and bruises weren’t actually much worse than usual, the wolf had managed to impale its foot on a broken off piece of door frame and a stray splinter had been left behind causing the wound to become infected.

Madam Pomfrey wasn’t allowing any visitors, claiming that Remus had contracted a highly contagious case of Dragon Pox, but his roommates knowing the truth of it had snuck in to see him under James’ cloak.

The three of them had combed through the library the next morning, for once without the usual complaints, just to be sure that their hunch was correct. Checking back and forth with a list of symptoms they’d compiled over the last few weeks and checking off each one that matched up. Not that all of the books were especially helpful, with one claiming that werewolves could be identified in their human form by the possession of a thick mane of hair that stretched from the head to the base of the spine, while another said that the only mark that distinguished a werewolf from a wizard was a pair of blood red eyes that glowed in the dark.

One particularly nasty extract from the book _Beasts Moste Yfel_ described werewolves as the vilest, lowest creatures to ever walk the earth, whose only purpose in life was to spill the blood of the noble Wizard, and then proceeded to list a variety of cruel and unusual methods on how to exterminate them. Only Peter was inclined to read past the first sentence of that one.

He’d reacted badly when James and Sirius had finally shared their suspicions, waving the Daily Prophet in their faces where a small article on suspected werewolf activity near Dufftown was buried between the personal ads and the entertainment section. Sirius would have pummelled him into the ground if James hadn’t intervened.

James had gripped his arm hard enough to bruise and dragged him all the way down to the hospital wing, only pausing long enough to cover them with the cloak before marching to stand at the foot of Remus’ bed. Whatever grand speech about friendship and Gryffindor values faded away when they saw the state of their friend however. Remus had never looked so frail, his skin so pale it seemed to be blending into the linens around him. Sweat glistened on his forehead and soaked his hair and his breath was coming in short, sharp bursts. Tossing and turning in his sleep had pushed the sheets down to his waist and livid white scars peeked out from behind the bandages. Every few seconds a whimper slipped out like the cry of a wounded animal. The image spoke for itself.

Peter didn’t protest when Sirius went back to the library and ripped out the pages from _Beasts Moste Yfel,_ he even scooped up the ashes afterwards and scattered them out of the window, resolving never to tell his friend of the book’s existence.

\---

Remus was limping his way back to the common room when his path was blocked by three hulking Slytherin’s.

“Well if it isn’t loony loopy Lupin.” Said the one in the middle, and Remus noticed Snape skulking and smirking half a step behind them.

“I hear this one’s a right freak.” The one on the left continued.

Remus was tired and sore and thought longingly of his bed. He really wasn’t in the mood for whatever this lot wanted from him but every move he made was being mirrored by the other boys, and he wasn’t stupid enough to show them his back.

“Where do you think you’re going loopy? Not polite to walk away when someone’s trying to talk to you.”

“Maybe we should teach him some manners.” Said the first one again, still smirking.

“Might take some doing, what was it you said the dumb freak did Snape? Cut his hand open and didn’t make a peep.”

“I reckon we can get him to squeal.” The third one said, taking a threatening step towards Remus.

Accepting the fact that he wasn’t going to get out of this without a fight, Remus rolled onto the balls of his feet, ignoring the pain shooting up his right foot as a result. He didn’t think to use his wand even as the other four whipped theirs out, automatically following his instinct as he ducked to avoid a hex and drove his fist into the gut of the boy closest to him. A jinx clipped his ear and he dimly noticed the stinging heat of it as he kicked another boy in the chest, preventing himself from falling with a hand tangled in the back of someone’s robes. An elbow in the side had Remus letting loose a snarl of pain before he turned round to return the favour. He was quick and cutting, scrapping the same way he did with Aengus, desperate to disable them long enough to get away. He realised that Snape had run away already, and while his opponents fought to get their breath back Remus grabbed his opportunity and took off as well. The adrenaline drove him onwards until he reached the portrait of the Fat Lady and gasped out the password.

He dragged himself up the stairs, the pain in his foot and ear beginning to make itself known quite loudly, when he found himself in another familiar situation. Sirius, James, and Peter were talking about him on the other side of the door. Remus didn’t burst in on them this time though. One damning word heard clear as day drove all other thought out of his head, and before he could hear anything else he turned tail and sprinted out of the castle, James’ voice chasing at his heels.

_Werewolf._


	3. Chapter 3

“So when did Pomfrey say he was getting out?”

“Later today she said. Good thing too, I reckon if his fever didn’t break yesterday she’d have sent him to St Mungo’s.” Sirius said from his seat on the floor, idly shooting up puffs of air to disturb the blue bubbles on the ceiling.

“When do you think we should tell him we know?”

“When he gets back, no point waiting.”

“Well _how_ do we tell him?”

“What do you mean?” Asked Peter, looking up from his Charms essay.

“We can’t just come out and say it, can we.”

“Why not?”

“Think about it Pete. He’s been hiding this since he got here, he freaks out anytime we ask him anything personal. How do you think he’ll react if we just go straight in and say ‘hi Remus feeling better? Oh by the way we know about the whole werewolf thing’. He’ll run for the hills!”

All three of them turned towards the door at the sound of a loud clattering outside followed by raised voices, like someone had charged down the stairs and fled out of the portrait hole. Sirius turned back to James, his face drained of colour.

“You don’t think that was—”

“And he heard us talking about—”

“Oh crap.”

Sirius scrambled up and took off after Remus.

“Pete, go get McGonagall. Tell her we know about Remus and he’s running. _Go now!”_ Yelled James as he followed Sirius.

By silent agreement they split up to search, not knowing which direction Remus had gone. James headed towards the greenhouses while Sirius raced through the courtyard on his way down to Hagrid’s.

He paused at the stone circle to catch his breath and spotted a familiar mop of light brown hair heading towards the Forbidden Forest.

“Remus! Remus stop it’s not what you think!” He screamed, chasing after him.

They’d reached the treeline by the time Sirius had caught up but Remus kept on running.

“Remus please just _wait!”_

“Go away!”

“Not until you _listen_ to me!”

“Just let me go!” Remus screamed, turning to face Sirius at last, his face streaked with tears and leaning heavily on a tree trunk. “You won’t see me again, I’ve never hurt anyone please just let me go.” He begged.

“No Remus I can’t just let you leave, you’re my friend. Don’t you see we don’t _care_ that you’re a werewolf. Come back to the castle.”

Remus shook his head not believing it. It was a trap. It was a lie. Of course they cared, his friends were wizards and he was a _werewolf_. It was a mistake to think otherwise. It was a mistake to come here.

“No Remus it wasn’t. Just come back with me and I’ll show you. You belong here!”

“No you don’t pup.” Came a familiar voice and Remus froze.

A shadowed figure detached itself from the surroundings and stalked closer until he could feel hot breath on the nape of his neck.

“Greyback.” Remus whispered, and watched as Sirius’ eyes widened and he took half a step back, clearly recognising the name.

“I found you at last pup. But you knew I would didn’t you.” Fenrir snarled, winding an arm around Remus’ waist and pulling him back into his hard chest. “Sounds like you’ve realised the truth, even with Dumbledore no doubt feeding you his poisonous lies all year. You’re not one of them. They could never accept you. They just want to _use_ you. It’s time to come home pup. You could never belong here with them.”

Remus shivered, letting the words wash over him. He’d been wrong, so wrong to think Hogwarts could ever be home. There was no place for him in the world of Wizards, there hadn’t been in six long years. And now Greyback was here to remind him of that. To once again save him from himself. Remus let his weight fall back against his Sire and closed his eyes. It was a nice dream while it had lasted, but all things must come to an end.

“Don’t listen to him!” Shouted Sirius, who Remus noticed with shock and no small amount of dread had his wand out and pointed shakily at Greyback.

“Let him go Greyback.” He spat, his voice steady despite the trembling that wracked his frame.

Fenrir laughed cruelly, and in the space between one breath and the next had Sirius pinned by the neck, his wand tossed out of reach. A strangled yelp left Remus’ throat as he tried to force his way between them.

“Stop it! Please Greyback!” He begged.

“Now, now pup. If it hadn’t been for Dumbledore planting nasty little thoughts in your head you wouldn’t have run away. He tried to take something from me, only seems fair I take something from him.”

Sirius’ face was turning a disturbing shade of violet, his desperate struggle to tear the man’s hand from his throat becoming weaker by the second. Remus clawed and punched at his broad back but Fenrir simply grabbed a clump of Remus’ hair with his free hand and pulled until he was bent backwards and gasping in pain.

“No, no please I’m sorry! Greyback I’m sorry please just let him go. I’ll go with you, we can just leave and I’ll never run away again. I swear I won’t. Please let him _go!”_

Sirius’ eyes rolled in his skull and Remus screamed. This was it he thought. His friend was going to die, murdered by his Sire. And there was nothing he could do to stop it. He felt himself being dropped to his knees and he screwed his eyes shut with his palms clamped over his ears, waiting for Greyback to grab him by the back of the neck and drag him away defeated.

\---

Sirius came round with a hacking cough, gulping down air in great burning lungful’s. He blinked furiously until his vision cleared and was met by a truly beautiful sight, Professor Dumbledore and McGonagall stood over them radiating a dangerous cold power and tight-lipped fury respectively. Professor Rogate had his wand at Greyback’s throat, who was bound mouth, wrists, and ankles with rope.

Sirius lifted up on his elbows and craned his neck until he spotted Remus curled in on himself and rocking back and forth, his face buried in his knees while his long thin fingers twisted painfully through his hair. Sirius crawled closer and heard a whispered _no_ being repeated over and over again. He didn’t react to his name being called, but when Sirius placed his hand lightly on the curve of Remus’ spine he went limp, like all of his strings had been cut.

“Remus. Remus it’s me, it’s Sirius. Everything’s OK now.” Sirius croaked.

Professor McGonagall was now kneeling beside him but Sirius kept his gaze fixed on his friend’s face, which was pale and blank as new parchment.

“We’re OK Remus.” He tried again. “Remus? Please look at me.” He cupped Remus’ cheek and turned his head so that they were eye to eye, “you’re safe now Remoo, you’re gonna be OK.”

Remus’ lips formed the shape of Sirius’ name and Sirius smiled at finally getting a response, no matter how small. He wrapped his arms around his friend and didn’t let go even as the Professor’s guided them both back up to the castle. He retreated enough for them each to sit down once they’d reached Dumbledore’s office, but never loosened his grip on Remus’ hand entirely, which Remus was grateful for.

Madam Pomfrey was waiting for them pale-faced, concern thinly veiled behind a mask of disapproving professionalism as she tutted over the bruises on Sirius’ neck and Remus’ near catatonia. She smeared a thick green paste over Sirius’ throat, rewrapped the bandages on Remus’ foot and handed each of them a calming draught and a lump of chocolate before she left.

No one spoke while the boys finished their chocolate, Sirius having to prompt Remus a few times with a quick squeeze of his fingers.

“Will they kill him?” Remus asked, his eyes fixed on something no one else could see. “Greyback I mean.”

“No, the Aurors will take Mr Greyback to the Ministry where he will be held until trial and, almost certainly, receive a life sentence in Azkaban prison. But he will not be killed.” Answered Dumbledore.

“You should probably just kill him.” Remus said in a flat, dull voice. “He’ll get away if you don’t. Then he’ll come back. He’ll come back for me.”

“I won’t let him touch you Remus.” Sirius growled.

“He nearly killed you Sirius.”

“And he’ll have to finish the job if he wants to get near you again!”

“There will be no need for such drastic actions Mr Black, noble as they may be.” Dumbledore interrupted calmly. “Mr Lupin, I know this is difficult for you. But I would greatly appreciate it if you could clarify a few points for me.”

Remus was still staring off into the distance but managed a jerky nod.

“I uh— I was nearly five when he bit me.” He started shakily. “But I was seven when I went to live with the pack after my— after my parents left.”

“That is as I had suspected then. Would I also be correct in thinking that you were kept confined during the full moon period?”

“In a silo near camp. Greyback had the key.” Remus confirmed.

Dumbledore looked thoughtful for a moment.

“One last thing Mr Lupin, before I leave you in the excellent hands of Mr Black. I must ask you what you know of the situation that lead you to Greyback’s camp.”

Remus swallowed and extracted his hand from Sirius’ grip, bringing his knees up to his chin.

“I don’t remember. But he said— Greyback said that my parents left during the moon. He found me locked in the basement, I um, I broke my ribs and he heard me screaming.”

Sirius released a wounded noise at that and Remus suspected that it was taking considerable effort to keep him from saying anything.

“Mr Lupin. I’m afraid I must tell you that that was not the case.” The Headmaster said gravely. “As I understand it, your father moved you and your mother several times after the attack. It took time for Mr Greyback to locate you again as a result, but locate you he did. On the day of the full moon he lured your parents out of the house and stole you away. Your parents did not leave you Remus, Greyback took you from them.”

All was silent as everyone turned to watch Remus freeze up in his seat. After a long moment when Sirius wasn’t even sure he was breathing he started to tremble, his fingers twitching, the nails catching in the worn fabric of his trousers.

“No, no you’re wrong.” Remus shook his head. “Greyback saved me. He took me when my parents left me to die and he _saved_ me!” His voice rose until he was yelling. That had to be the case. His parents didn’t want him anymore, he was sure of it. They’d abandoned him but he’d forgiven them because Greyback _did_ want him. _That_ was the truth, it had to be.

“You came to Professor McGonagall some months ago to ask for help in finding your parents. Do you mean to say Mr Lupin that your motivation for doing so was not driven, in some small way, by doubts of what Greyback told you?”

“No, I just wanted to know if they were alive! I just wanted to know— Greyback took care of me! He didn’t let the others touch me. He was the only— he was keeping me safe. He saved me, took care of me. My parents they— they couldn’t...”

Remus trailed off sobbing at which point Sirius jumped out of his chair and wrapped him up in his arms again. He clung to Sirius as if his friend was all that was keeping him together while the world collapsed around him. He cried for all the pain and the sorrow he’d been through, all the suffering that lay ahead. All of it needless. Remus felt like he was drowning in it, but through it all Sirius held him.

“I’m here Remus.” He whispered. “I’m gonna look after you now. I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again. I’m here.”

In time Remus quieted and having exhausted himself, fell asleep, safe in Sirius’ arms.

\---

Professor Dumbledore had transfigured the chair into a bowl shaped love seat big enough for both boys to be comfortable before leaving them to rest. Professor McGonagall had explained the basic situation to James and Peter, but they’d stuck around and were still waiting by the gargoyle that concealed the moving staircase up to the Headmaster’s office, waiting for their friends to emerge. They perked up when they heard the gargoyle leap aside but were dismayed to see that Dumbledore was alone. The Professor smiled affectionately at the pair and gestured them forwards.

“You may go up and join your friends now, but I would ask that you try not to disturb Mr Lupin.”

“Is Remus OK?” Asked James alarmed.

“Mr Lupin has been through a very difficult time and is currently enjoying a well-deserved rest, but I feel confident that with the help of such _accepting_ friends, he will recover.”

The boys, acknowledging the unspoken question, nodded and received an approving twinkle in return before hurrying up the stairs to see their friends. Slowing when they reached the top so they didn’t wake Remus who’s head was pillowed on Sirius’ lap.

James and Peter sat on the floor while Sirius explained what had happened in the Forbidden Forest and the revelations about Remus’ history.

“I can’t believe he was living in the woods with that _monster_ for all those years.” James said once he’d finished.

“It explains some things though doesn’t it?” Said Peter. “The thing with the Niffler, the wearing the same clothes every day. Why he always gets so excited about boring things like showers and books.”

“I just figured he was poor and a bit of a bookworm.”

“Well you weren’t entirely wrong James.” Said Sirius. “Just not so much poor as bloody homeless. He’s definitely a bookworm though.”

“I wonder how he even got all his school stuff.”

“The school probably got it for him. Didn’t he say that was what McGonagall wanted when he missed the feast at the start of the year?” Remembered Peter.

“I’d forgotten about that. Well I’m definitely buying him some more clothes next time we’re in Diagon Alley.”

“You can buy them but I’m picking, I have better taste than you.” Said Sirius smugly.

“You do not!” Argued James.

“Shouldn’t Remus get to pick?” Peter reasoned before the bickering got out of hand and they woke him up.

As it was Remus just snuffled a little, but their eyes were all drawn back to his face, still blotchy from crying. He looked so fragile curled up on Sirius’ lap, and James couldn’t help thinking it was some kind of miracle that Remus had made it through all of the terrible things that had happened to him in his short life, and was still here.

“He’ll be OK right?” Asked James quietly.

“We’ll make sure he is.” Sirius promised.

“Remus is really strong.” Agreed Peter. “He fought all those Slytherin’s after all, and that must have been right after he got out of the hospital wing. Merlin, no wonder he’s tired!”

“Wait, what?”

“I heard Madam Pomfrey talking about it. She was really hacked off about these three Slytherin’s that were all beaten up from fighting with Remus.”

“How did she know they were fighting Remus?”

“Cassandra saw them and went to fetch her, but by the time they got there it was over and Remus was gone. She kept muttering about how Remus was supposed to be resting not impersonating Bruce Lee, I reckon she was secretly impressed actually.”

“Who’s Bruce Lee?” Said James.

“You know the kung-fu guy.” Peter explained, karate kicking the air to demonstrate. James looked none the wiser but Sirius frowned realising something.

“Wait are you saying that they were fighting without wands!”

“The Slytherin’s probably had wands, but Remus didn’t I guess.” Peter shrugged.

James and Sirius looked down at their friend in a kind of awe. Trying to match the image of someone able to come out on top in a barehanded three-against-one fight, with the delicate boy sleeping soundly between them.

“I guess he really is strong.” James breathed.

“The strongest of us all.” Said Sirius. And each of them knew he wasn’t talking about physical strength.

\---

When Remus woke up he was back in his own bed. If it wasn’t for the fresh bandage on his foot he could almost pretend that the last 24 hours had all been just some horribly vivid nightmare. Too much had happened, too many revelations, too much emotion jammed into such a short space of time had left Remus drained and feeling slightly nauseous.

His fingers curled around the figure tucked under his pillow, trailing over the familiar dips and ridges to try and soothe his crowded mind. In his rush to escape, Remus’ dragons along with all his books had been left behind. If things had gone differently they’d be lost to him forever. If things had gone differently he’d have lost Sirius too. The thought made him shiver.

On hearing Remus shuffling about Sirius got up to check on him, pulling back the curtain and seeing that his friend was finally awake, joining him on the bed.

Remus sat up and his hand moved to grip Sirius’ wrist, as if to confirm he was really there. Sirius wasn’t certain that Remus even realised he was doing it but said nothing, even as two fingers palpated his pulse.

“You OK Remus?” He asked carefully.

“I think I should be asking you that actually.”

“I asked you first.” Sirius joked.

Remus rolled his eyes but gave him a nod and Sirius allowed himself to relax a bit.

“Is that you awake finally Remus?” Called James, abandoning his homework to climb up next to them, quickly followed by Peter. “You gave us a right scare there mate.”

“Sorry.” Remus croaked.

“Well it wasn’t exactly the way we were planning on telling you that we knew.” He smirked, “worked out in the end at least.”

Remus tried to smile back but it came out a little crooked.

“So you um... You really don’t mind then? That I’m a—”

“A werewolf?” Peter finished for him.

“Yeah that...”

“Of course not! What do you take us for Slytherin’s?” James laughed.

“It’s kind of cool actually.” Said Peter. “I mean how many people can say they’re friends with a werewolf.”

“You can’t tell anyone!” Remus said in alarm.

“No, don’t worry Remus of course we won’t tell anyone. Pete didn’t mean it like that, did you Pete?” James reassured, shooting a glare Peter’s way.

“We know you can’t tell anyone else about you, but at least with us you don’t need to keep secrets anymore.” Sirius pointed out.

Remus smiled easier this time. While he knew there was a part of him that would still want to keep everything close to his chest, keeping secrets having long become ingrained in the way he lived his life, he couldn’t deny the relief of knowing that he didn’t have to with these three amazing people. These three boys who knew his secrets and accepted them like it was nothing, Sirius was even prepared to _die_ for him.

“Thank you.” He whispered, locking eyes with each of them but lingering on Sirius.

There was a moment of quiet where Remus’ thoughts drifted to some of the other revelations he was going to have to deal with, when James interrupted.

“The _beans!”_ He yelled. “You could smell the Bertie Bott’s with your super-sniffer. It’s because you’re a _wolf!”_

“You idiot James.” Laughed Sirius. “We’ve known for a week and you’re just realising that _now?”_

James stuck his tongue out and whacked him in the face with a pillow, starting an epic pillow fight in the process which would result in them finding stray feathers for weeks afterwards. Remus went to sleep smiling that night, starting to believe that just maybe, he might belong here after all.


End file.
